Jakeys home is changing....

and I am not a happy camper.

Nationwide Children's hospital is expanding, becoming bigger and better. I know that is a good thing. And I am happy for how wonderful of a place it is, and how loving they are with their patients. But I don't want it to change! The best part every year in going to make our donations, is me just sitting in the lobby and remembering. Remembering strolling Jakey up to his doctors appointments, remembering the spots where we were happy and even where we were sad. Because it makes me feel closer to him. The smell, the cafeteria, the cookies, the giftshop, the big gum ball machine, the bench I would sit at, the piano, the elevators.... everything I look at, smell or touch all remind me of Jacob and I couldn't ask for a better place to be.

But now it is all changing. :( And I am sad. I hope when we go this summer I will still be able to relive my memories. Even their logo- used to be hearts and I loved it! Now its butterflies... which is great, but the hearts reminded me of my baby Jakey.

I have never been a fan of change- But this is major for me. They are changing Jakey's house, when I need it still....

2011 update

Although I think about Jakey daily. Dream about what he would look like, what he would be doing, how be would be running, talking, playing with his brothers.... I have not updated for a whole year. But I am still here and Jacob is still spreading happiness with all the love he had in his heart to other boys & girls at Nationwide Children's hospital. Here are some pictures of our donations from 2011.

I still have problems answering the question... How many kids do you have? Really, what do I say? 2 and a half years later and I still haven't figured it out. Of course I want to say three, but than comes the next question of how old are they. Also I hate signing our families' name on cards and such, because I am missing one. And every time I write it I feel an extra pain in my heart. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But I do want Jacob to be remembered and for people to realize- I do have another child. He is in my heart, until I see him again. But he is just as much a part of me as my other two loves- Isaac and Nico.